The holidays are coming

“The holidays are coming...

I don’t know how I’m going to do this.

I don’t know how to feel.

I don’t know how to be.”

“Everything hurts, because everything reminds me of you.

I want to see your face, hold your hand, and hear your voice.

If I could have just one more hug…

I miss you.”

“Nothing is the same, and the world goes on like nothing happened.

No, this can’t be real.

You’re not here. I can’t get to you.

And the holidays are coming.”

“How am I going to do this?

I don’t want to.

I miss you.”

The holidays are stressful.

Holidays can be the toughest time of the year. The pressure is immense.

Expectations and memories swirl around us. And perhaps more than anything, we’re keenly aware of who’s missing.

Happy Holidays?

Merry Christmas?

It doesn’t feel like it.

How are you going to do this?

One Key Thing

Here’s one key thing to keep in mind:

These holidays will be different, but they can still be good.

Three Suggestions

Here are three suggestions to help make these holidays the best they can be:

1. Feel the grief.

I am worn out from my groaning. All night long I flood my bed

with weeping and drench my couch with tears. - Psalms 6:6

Don’t try to put your feelings aside for the holidays.

You won’t be able to.

Don’t attempt to stuff your emotions and be strong for others.

It won’t work.

True strength is found in being real.

“Business as usual” doesn’t honor your loved one.

It doesn’t align with what’s happening in your life or in your heart.

Be who you are where you are.

Go ahead... grieve.

Feel your emotions.

Your life has changed forever. These holidays will be different.

2. Take care of you.

Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the well-spring of your life. - Proverbs 4:23

Your heart has been wounded.

It needs time to heal.

Please take yourself seriously.

What do you need to do for you?

Do what you can to take care of yourself...

Eat well.

Exercise.

Watch your health.

Get the alone time you need, but be careful not to isolate.

Put your focus and energy into grieving well.

Your loved one is worth it, and so are you.

3. Be proactive about the holidays.

Careful planning puts you ahead in the long run;

hurry and scurry put you further behind. - Proverbs 21:5

You don’t have to sit back and dread the holidays.

You don’t have to allow others’ expectations to set the agenda.

There are some things you can control.

You have choices. You can decide what you want to do, how, and with whom.

These holidays will be different, but they can still be good.

If you’re wondering how to...

     • deal with the unspoken yet powerful expectations (others’ and your own) swirling around the holidays

     • handle the continual onslaught of memories and reminders of your loved one

     • face feeling lonely, misunderstood, and isolated

     • process seemingly random, unpredictable emotions

     • take yourself, your health, and your own heart seriously

     • make the best choices about what to do, how, and with whom

     • honor your loved one and make these holidays meaningful